Super Bowl XLVII was exciting, controversial and featured many moments that will live on throughout football history.
None of them more bizarre than the 34 minute power outage that delayed the game and (depending on who you ask) gave the San Francisco 49ers enough time to remember that they were playing for the NFL championship.
(Hard to hear play calls over the sound of kissing muscles)
In the end, the Baltimore Ravens held onto their lead and we won’t have to hear Ravens fans complaining for the next 100 years about how the blackout screwed them out of their championship.
But the question of everyone’s mind today is:
What (or who) caused the blackout?
Seeing as how all I’m reading are the usual BS “technical glitch” cover up stories, I decided to flex my blog muscles and look at some alternative culprits for the “Great Super Bowl Blackout of 2013″ and their motives (I bet you all aren’t sick of hearing the word “Motive” after last night’s game).
Suspect #1 – Alex Smith
How did he do it? With a well placed, accurate pass from 12 yards away that knocked a glass of water onto the power control console at the Superdome. He was able to slip away unnoticed because, honestly, did anyone even realize Alex Smith was at the game?
Why did he do it? This is the best and probably only chance he had to win a Super Bowl ring. He is leaving SF after this year to toil away in Jacksonville for the rest of his NFL career (but not before making stops in Oakland, Buffalo and Cleveland first).
Suspect #2 – Mama Harbaugh
How did she do it? Told Papa Harbaugh she was going out for some smokes, then used her maternal charm to gain access to the control room of the Superdome, and clog the power source with Worthers Original candies.
Why did she do it? Always loved Jim more. Also huge fan of Frank Gore.
Suspect #3 – The Undertaker
How did he do it? Clearly by using the power of the urn. Come on, don’t be ridiculous.
Why did he do it? Taker bet six large on the 49ers, and he owes a lot of money to some very dangerous people (who also have urns… and guns).
Suspect #4 – Beyonce Knowles
How did she do it? DID YOU SEE THAT HALFTIME SHOW?! DO YOU THINK ALL THAT POWER GROWS ON TREES?!
Why did she do it? So she can officially scapegoat the two other members of Destiny’s Child by claiming adding two extra microphones is what set the whole thing off. She was always jealous that she wasn’t it “Freddy vs. Jason”.
Suspect #5 – Ed Hochuli
How did he do it? Ripped apart the stadium power cables with his bare hands.
Why did he do it? Jealous that Jerome Boger got to referee the Super Bowl instead of him.
Suspect #6 – NHL commissioner Gary Bettman
How did he do it? Sith lightning attack, obviously.
Why did he do it? To prove that his league isn’t the most dysfunctional in sports. It is, Gary. You need to accept that.
Suspect #7 – 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh
How did he do it? He had Colin Kaepernick do it for him.
Why did he do it? That is pretty obvious by the score of the game when it happened.
Suspect #8 – Ray Lewis
How did he do it? Stabbed the generator with a large butcher knife.
Why did he do it? Wanted to selfishly prolong his NFL career as long as he could.
Suspect #9 – 4th & Blog Correspondent “El Pittsburgh Luchador”
How did he do it? With a series of hurricanrana’s, dropkicks, moonsaults and huge EMP burst.
Why did he do it? Simple, he hates the Baltimore Ravens and their masked correspondent “El Hombre Diablo de Baltimore”.
Suspect #10 – God
How did she do it? Bribed a security guard, destroyed console with a giant wrench.
Why did she do it? Sick and tired of Ray Lewis claiming to do things in her name.
Well there you have it folks, 10 potential suspects for the mysterious power outage that ironically sparked a comeback for the 49ers. The game ended with some high drama, but when I look back I will always remember that 30+ minute period of people standing around scratching their heads, unsure of how to keep the game going.
And this.
I will always remember this.
You can follow j.Bow on twitter (@jBowmancouver). He doesn’t care who turned out the lights. He is more focused on finding out who turned them back on.
